My kids were young when I divorced their father. Sam was five and Kiki was three. But their father and I were separated two years before the divorce was ever final. Kiki was just a baby, not quite a year old, when her father moved out. This is all she's known.
Sam, on the other hand, was three, and a very smart three. After his father moved out, he was filled with questions and wishes. "Mommy, you need a husband. I wish I could be your husband. You need someone to take care of you." He would approach total strangers and ask them if they would be my boyfriend. He really missed having his father around daily. Kiki would ask her father when we were getting married again.
The kids have watched their father self destruct, rebuild himself, and date a few women. It was difficult for them to get to know each woman and her family (kids, etc.) only to have it end again. Now their father lives 1,600 miles away and they have a hard time with the fact that he's dating again and she has a child Sam's age.
Sam and Kiki really haven't had to deal with dating on my end. I've been out on a couple dates, but dating now with children is difficult. I'm looking at every man I go out with as a possible father-figure.
Sam has it in his head that every man I talk about is somehow going to become his father ~ even baseball players on television. Sam's got an irritional hatred for Travis Hafner of the Cleveland Indians because when Travis was in the World Series (last year?), I told Sam I knew Travis, that I grew up with Travis**. All of a sudden, he was angry at the television and he was locking all the doors because Travis was not coming over to our house.
Anyway... it's a year after the divorce, but I didn't really feel divorced until their father moved away in April this year. It's been a challenge. I'm limited in my work hours because of daycare. I'm limited in my social life because of the cost of babysitters. I'm fielding questions and complaints all the time from Sam and Kiki ~ "I wanna go live with Dad!"
But it's been rather freeing as well. Because their father lives so far away, I'm doing this myself. I make the decisions. I call the shots. It's empowering.
** I really did grow up with Travis Hafner and was able to interview him when he was inducted into the North Dakota Baseball Hall of Fame.
Interview with a Celebrity: Cleveland Indian Travis Hafner
I first met Travis Hafner long before he was known as the Pronk, the designated hitter for the Cleveland Indians. I finally got to interview him in December 2006. Here's the story behind the interview.
View more »
Sam, on the other hand, was three, and a very smart three. After his father moved out, he was filled with questions and wishes. "Mommy, you need a husband. I wish I could be your husband. You need someone to take care of you." He would approach total strangers and ask them if they would be my boyfriend. He really missed having his father around daily. Kiki would ask her father when we were getting married again.
The kids have watched their father self destruct, rebuild himself, and date a few women. It was difficult for them to get to know each woman and her family (kids, etc.) only to have it end again. Now their father lives 1,600 miles away and they have a hard time with the fact that he's dating again and she has a child Sam's age.
Sam and Kiki really haven't had to deal with dating on my end. I've been out on a couple dates, but dating now with children is difficult. I'm looking at every man I go out with as a possible father-figure.
Sam has it in his head that every man I talk about is somehow going to become his father ~ even baseball players on television. Sam's got an irritional hatred for Travis Hafner of the Cleveland Indians because when Travis was in the World Series (last year?), I told Sam I knew Travis, that I grew up with Travis**. All of a sudden, he was angry at the television and he was locking all the doors because Travis was not coming over to our house.
Anyway... it's a year after the divorce, but I didn't really feel divorced until their father moved away in April this year. It's been a challenge. I'm limited in my work hours because of daycare. I'm limited in my social life because of the cost of babysitters. I'm fielding questions and complaints all the time from Sam and Kiki ~ "I wanna go live with Dad!"
But it's been rather freeing as well. Because their father lives so far away, I'm doing this myself. I make the decisions. I call the shots. It's empowering.
** I really did grow up with Travis Hafner and was able to interview him when he was inducted into the North Dakota Baseball Hall of Fame.
Interview with a Celebrity: Cleveland Indian Travis Hafner
I first met Travis Hafner long before he was known as the Pronk, the designated hitter for the Cleveland Indians. I finally got to interview him in December 2006. Here's the story behind the interview.
View more »
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